Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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