I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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