watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
