I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
