Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
