Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
