i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
