Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
