Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He? As in you personified your dick?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
