Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
