Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
