we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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