just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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