Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
