I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Houston, we have a squirter
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
