My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I currently don't understand fingers.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
