even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
