Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
