i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
