I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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