my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
