I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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