just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
