I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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