I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
