And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
