Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize