I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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