i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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