you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize