i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
