I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
