Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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