my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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