Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
