Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
