No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
