Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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