just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
