you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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