are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
