I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize