Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize