I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
