the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
