Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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