We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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