I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
