I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
