im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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