just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I want a musical about memes.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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