i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
