I don't think brook has ever known best
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
