Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
