swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
