Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
