At least make sure they are 18
Why
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
