how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
did you just send me my own nude
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
