I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize