wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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