I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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