I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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