a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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