...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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