i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
