My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
