My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
