should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
